It’s a sentiment I’ve read and seen a countless number of
times in recent weeks: I’m tired.
Tired of school, tired of the feeling I get in my stomach reading
the news every morning, tired of the political turmoil that never seems to end.
Sometimes I get so tired that I have to take a break. I’ve deactivated various
social media accounts off and on over the past year, trying to give myself a
break from the chaos and outrage I feel all too strongly. But at the same time,
I recognize this ability to take a break as a form of privilege. At any time,
but particularly under the current administration, it is a luxury to be politically
apathetic. If you’re able to turn off the TV every once in a while, it is likely
that many of the things being discussed don’t directly affect you.
Recent weeks have been particularly frustrating. The stories
emerging from women assaulted and harassed by Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., and
Matt Lauer have been heartbreaking and disgusting. As a human being alone I am
outraged. But as a woman, I am increasingly concerned about the reality of a
work force I hope to enter in just one year. It’s an incredibly important
national conversation to have, but to be completely honest, I don’t know how
many more stories like these my heart can take. I want to help, but sometimes
it is overwhelming to figure out where to begin.
My question for you all is, what are small ways in your
everyday lives you fight for and promote justice, even when you’re busy, tired,
and heartbroken? How can we, especially as scientists and engineers, push
forward tirelessly even when the world seems to be falling apart around us?
Push forward tirelessly? Not possible. Instead, acknowledge the tiredness, honor it, rest and heal. As a culture we tend to push ourselves to the edge of death, thinking that if we don't busily push through the tiredness and broken heartedness, our life will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things. But regardless of what we do, our life is going to be meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Statistically, our planet is a cosmic fart. A beautiful, horrendous, puff of stardust. Yet at the individual level, each of our lives has immense meaning, but only within our personal context. The meaning we attribute to our existence is all that we have to take with us from moment to moment.
ReplyDeleteSo what do I do in my everyday life to fight for and promote justice? I take care of myself first and foremost. I take naps when I am tired. I work to understand how I contribute to the perpetuation of cultural sentiments like sexism, and when I find them, I work to weed them from my garden. I'm far from perfect at this, I know for a fact that parts of my subconscious are racist, why else would I immediately clutch my wallet and check my pockets when I see a black male with cornrows on the subway. But the thing is, I can look at those parts of myself, and know that they don't speak for my whole self. I accept their commentary, and then when I feel up to it, I try to find the root cause of the sentiment in my subconscious, so that I can replace it, so that I can heal that part of myself. I truly believe that is the most that any of us can do, heal ourselves, and watch the rest slowly work itself out on the societal level. That is how I fight to find personal significance in myself. That is how I reconcile with my cosmic insignificance.
Thank you for putting words to the exhaustion and frustration that I, too, have been feeling in the past few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI would argue that the ability to take a break from all of the political turmoil happening on the news and in the world is not the real privilege, and that the ability to be so far removed from any kind of political turmoil that you are able to hear about all of it from afar is. I bet if we were experiencing a civil war or high profile court case right here on the Mines campus, it would be a lot harder to hear news about all of the recent sexual assault allegations in our country, or the Libyan Slave Trade happening much farther away. We are privileged in that we do not have to focus on one event happening much closer to home.
As for your question, one small way in which I fight to promote justice in my everyday life is by seeking to understand the truth in all situations, no matter how seemingly obvious the "right side" might seem. Although I can't speak for the entire world, I think a big reason why the political state of our country right now is so messy is because people rarely try to see the other side's reasons for feeling the way they do, and instead point fingers and write them off as stupid and useless. As scientists and engineers, it is our duty to strive to see reason in every situation, no matter what cognitive tool of choice that reason might be vested in, and try not to get caught up in our own emotions and personal opinions.
I think that being tired is nothing to be ashamed of. People heap their plates high while running fast, and are expected to never drop anything. To be tired of reading the news means you care. To be exhausted at seeing the pain of others means that you empathise. To be tired means that even though you've pushed yourself, you are so passionate that you still feel the need to give more.
ReplyDeleteNow all this said, I still think that taking a break is important. I think that we need to know our limits and realize that we can't put all of that on ourselves. We have to think less that the being tired is bad and that it means we didn't try enough, and think instead of how emotionally invested we must be if we are experiencing such exahustion. It is a privilege to be able to turn of the news, but it's also a privilege to never watch it at all.
I think to display personal courage, we just have to keep caring as much as we can. But we also have to realize that we can't do it all alone and that it's okay to take a break and be tired.
I think the best way to try to fight for justice in this world of constant activity is to fight in small battles. Changing our behavior a little bit at a time would help ensure that the change is one of substance. A good comparison for me is with recycling and environmental awareness. I had never been truly concerned about actively lessening my impact on this earth, but as I am exposed to more truths my actions have shifted ever so slightly. In the process, my actions have started to cause those around me to stop and ponder what I am doing, causing a small ripple in the cultural pool which may eventually lead to change.
ReplyDeleteI think we must approach changing the world and fighting for justice in the same way. Just a little push and slight shove on a daily basis will get us where we need to be.